Why is it the word Step Mother conjures up so many negative reactions? I blame the story of Cinderella. I had a few acquaintances recently ask me about being a step mother and if I could shed some light on the role I have in a positive way. Step Mothers really do get a bad rap.
So let's start at the beginning. I married James, my wonderful husband 4 1/2 years ago and along with him came 2 blessings named James and Hannah. I often tease my husband because I really fell in love with them before him. In his defense, I met them first. James is divorced and we'll leave it at that. Discussions about why and how it all happened are off limits. Those discussions are for my family only. We want to respect the kids in that way. Thanks.
I get along with the kids amazingly! They were raised to be awesome little people before I ever came into the picture. They are happy kids that know the Lord and love Him. I have never even wanted to treat them like "someone else's kid", even though they and I know that I'm their step-mom. Treating them like my own has actually made life easier in our household. My husband has custody of the kids (another detail I will not discuss) so they are with me a lot. Since we were married two more children have entered the picture, and the first two are still treated as if they are my own. I just love them that much!
Love is the key to step parenting. You have to love those kids enough to raise them as you know God would want you to. God has to have control of you everyday in every way for anything to be successful, let alone step-parenting. I really just take it day by day. Just like you do with your own child. We get through upsets, failures, success, wins and love all in one day just like any other family. The difference in our family is we go through it with God at the center of it all. (Hopefully it's not so different from your in that way) Hannah and James know that and often thank James and I for having a home that is safe because of God. Isn't that what we want for any kids, let alone a step child?
The next question I get all too often is how I deal with their other family. Well, it is their life. That is their mother and the rest of their family. What point is there is not getting along? No point. We will probably continue spending many many events in the kids lives together so we might as well be friends and enjoy ourselves right? They have sibling on their Mom's side that are a very important part of their life, just like their siblings here. We are glad for those relationships and respect their time with them. Again, I just trust God. Just like we all should with any friendships or relationships.
Not all step parent/child relationships are this wonderful. I know this. I have no good answers for anyone that doesn't other than to seek God. He is the only one that can help in a situation that is out of your control. We can't make kids love us. We can love them unconditionally and let God handle the rest. If you have that type of situation, e-mail me and I'll pray for you.
So yeah, being a step-parent. Not rocket science, but complicated at times. Put God first. Let God make you the best parent you can be and enjoy the kids!