Monday, August 04, 2014

The Eye of the Beholder


I looked like this this morning.  As I came out of my room in my workout clothes, no make up, sweaty, Noel gasped and said "Oh Mommy!!  you look so beautiful!  Evan isn't Mommy pretty?"
Huh?  I had to go back in my room and look in the mirror. I said to myself.  She's so wrong.

Then I did my devotions.

God made me.  Me.  Just like this.  I put make up on.  I do my hair.   She sees the beauty in what God made without all the stuff I do to it.  She doesn't care I have fine hair, a mommy tummy,  bumpy skin or blonde eye lashes no one can see without mascara.  She just loves what God made.

I have got to quit putting myself down and not taking her compliments well.  Is she going to love herself just the way God made her?  I want her too.  I want her to love her fine silky hair.  I want her to see her eyes and skin are perfect and not feel like she has to put make up on.
I want her to love what God made.
I need to start showing her that and instead of telling her "you're so funny Noel" when she compliments me, just say thank you and maybe just maybe take a few days off from make up and hair doing.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A different kind of summer

I'm behind on blogging.  I feel like I'm behind on my thoughts.  These may be very scattered thoughts

This has been a different kind of summer.
This is how I planned my summer back in April when it was still freezing.
Warm air, sunny skies, a glorious vacation surrounded by my entire family where we say around the fire and talked, or played games until late into the night.  We'd have time at the pool, kids would learn to ride bikes...etc.

Well it's near the end of July and it's not going that way.

The air?  Not so warm.  Today is 58 degrees
Sunny skies?  not as much as I'd like
The vacation?  Bugs, cold air, bugs, noise, rain, bugs.....oh yeah, and my parents didn't come because my mom had just had major surgery.  Oh and in the middle of that vacation we got the call that my mom had ovarian cancer.
The pool?  Actually we have had a good time at the pool :)  Yay!
The bikes?  The kids are terrified to try. :/

Here's the thing.  It wasn't my plan, but it certainly was God's.

I could really complain about this summer.  I like to be hot in the summer not cold.  I hate bugs.  I want my kids to take bike rides with me. I want a tan.  Sigh.

What good would that do?
To complain about the weather would show my kids that even though God is in charge of the weather I don't think He's giving me His best.
To complain about vacation would disrespect my husband who did his best to plan and create a great family time.
To complain about cancer......God is still sovereign.  I need to remember this.

To be honest I did and still do complain.  I complained to God.  He already knows my heart and what I am thinking, feeling, mad about...He knows and still loves me despite that.
He can take it.  He wants to take it.  He tells us to cast all our cares on Him.  Let him carry the burden.
There is nothing that is mysterious to him or too much to handle.  There is plenty that is too much for me to handle.  I need Him when things don't go the way I planned.    I need Him to reassure me that He is still in control.  He is still loving.
So things didn't go my way.
They went God's way.
Can't wait to tell you in the future how God used this summer.  How He changed me and showed Himself faithful.

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

What Did You Get?

Recently I was looking at pictures of a chair that my cousin had polished up of my grandparents.  I showed my little guy and was talking about some memories of them.  He asked me "what did you get mommy? you know, that was your grandmas?"
Honestly, I didn't get much physical items.  I have a set of salt and pepper shakers and a quilt.  Not "my" quilt, but a quilt treasure none the less.
I really don't care that I didn't get things.  Stuff.  Really.
I got a lot from my grandparents.  I was fortunate to live in the same town and see them 4 or 5 times a week.  I got to go to their house and just hang out. They were great baby sitters during choir practice, or Saturday night bowling.  I got to play at their house on days off from school.
I got to go the hospital too many times to count and give and receive kisses and hugs.  I got to sit by them at the dining table and talk about life, God, their lives...their hearts.  
I can still feel my grandma's soft gnarled hands as she would hold my hand while I sat with her watching Price Is Right or Family Feud.
I can feel the pat on the back from grandpa after mowing the lawn just the way he liked it.
I have a box full of cards that my grandma wrote me when I was her secret sister at church.  Prayers that she prayed for me.
I have birthday cards that she gave me when she came to the house every year for cake and ice cream.  I can still picture her testing the frosting on the side of pan.


What did I get?

Treasures.

Friday, April 04, 2014

Getting Used to the Dark

I have a child that just couldn't process the thoughts they were having.....How can someone who once followed God passionately not even give Him a second thought?  Why has their life changed so much they just seem selfish now?  Why is it the closer they get to God, the further away they seem?
I don't know the theological reason, other than SIN.
  Here's what I answered....
We have a free will.  A choice to make.  Every day we choose who we will serve.  The day we stop choosing and just go with our heart, which is deceitful above all things, is the day we take our first step into the darkness.  It becomes easier and easier to not make the choice anymore.
You know when you go into a dark room and eventually your eyes adjust to the dark?  You can now see what's right in front of you?  That's how it is when we start living more in the dark that in HIS light.  We only can see ourselves.  We only think about OUR next step and forget how wonderful and good it was to be in the light.  We think because we can see something, we're ok.  We're missing out on God and focusing on ourselves.  Relationships suffer...and we don't even realize it.  It hurts watch this happen.  Sometimes it happens fast, sometimes it takes 15 years.
What would you say?  I welcome advice and feedback.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

The song that has been on repeat all month.





You know when you hear a song and you think "that's a catchy tune", and you like it.



I have one of those, I love the tune.  What I love more is the lyrics.  Oh the truth of the words.  The song is by Crowder - called I AM.

It's a reminder to me that through storms....and there have been storms this year.  Health, financial, relationships(not marriage, don't worry)....storms....God never lets us go.  In the middle of the storm He is still I AM.  Still the creator, the King the lover of my soul.  We hold on to Him, but really HE holds us through these storms.  Storms we could never weather on our own.

I just love that God loves me that much and there is that much power in who He is.

So I'm sharing my new favorite song.  It makes me smile with joy and weep with humility that God loves me just that much.

The song th

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Basketball has Begun!


Hannah is playing basketball for the 8th grade school team.  She is playing with two of her best friends and is having a blast!!  It's fun to watch and Noel really is their biggest little cheer leader.
Have a great season girls!!

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

My life....it's what I dream of for my kids.

Disclaimer - these are rather scattered thoughts.  I have a 3 yr old.  Need I say more?

I was asked my testimony just recently.  My testimony would be how I knew I needed Jesus as my savior and what he saved me from.
I knew at 5 that I sinned and I was not good enough to go to heaven on my own.  I knew that I needed Jesus.  Jesus came died and took my sins, then rose again just for me.  It said so in God's Word.  I believe that.  I was a newborn baby Christian at that moment.

Since then my life has been, well, rather uneventful on the grand scale of things.  By uneventful I don't mean I have not had great and grand adventures.  I have traveled the world!  Had an amazing childhood filled with fun, family and good things.  I enjoyed school, had great friends and then went to college.  I didn't get married young, but I married and have 4 kids.  I have had and do have a great life.

That is the kind of life I want for my kids.  It's a good life filled with knowing God and knowing his love.  And there is NOTHING wrong with that life.

Sometimes I feel like if we have a "boring" salvation story it's of no interest to anyone else. No great "salvation" came to us.
Actually that's not true.  We were saved with the same grace, forgiveness and mercy that the 60 year old that lived a horrible life is saved with.  We were just spared a hard life.

As a parent, I am raising my kids the same way I was raised.  Teaching them one moment at a time how awesome loving God can be.   I want them to be spared the hardships.  I want them to grow more and more in love with God each passing year and then raise their children to love God.

I will not say my life was perfect or I never had times where I was not close to the Lord....but it was pretty great and I never have walked away from the Lord.  Thank you LORD for holding me close.

I want my kids to have a story to tell when they are older that they fell in love with Christ as a young child and only got to know Him better as they got older.  I want them to say that they are SO BLESSED to have been protected from a hard life or a life knowing and remembering separation from the love of God.

I co-lead a mom's group at my church and I see all these little people being raised by God loving mama's and I want to stand there and say " I made it!  I was your kid.  I was raised in a Christian home, going to church, loved deeply by my parents....and I made it.  I still love God and my life is good."  I think we all need to hear a testimony that is boring every now and then to remember that if we really think about it, it's what we want for our kids too.